Sweet Assurance

If you know me, I’m a bit granola. Lol! I love and have a passion for essential oils, the Emotion Code, spirit to spirit communication, foot zoning, chakra chants, muscle testing and all that wonderful stuff! I was into it before it got popular and I believe it’s one of Heavenly Fathers gifts he has blessed us with if we are open to it and study it out and use it in a proper humble way.

With that being said.

 Last weekend I decided I had waited long enough and wanted to find out for myself what is going on with this embryo adoption journey were on. I started muscle testing the donor couple, Samantha (the lady over this whole thing) and the other couple also receiving some embryos. I was lucky they all gave me permission to test and ask them questions. I had come to the conclusion that there was some confusion, loss, and Samantha was going to let me know the next week what is going on.

Not to my surprise, she did call me in the middle of the week telling me that the donor couple started the process with the other couple first and that they had 2 negatives with both of their transfers. It is really sad! Both couples are sad and the donor couple want to wait to donate to us until they figure out if the problem is with the mother who had the transfer done, or if it was the embryos. So they want to do a little more testing on both ends. To be sure. The way Sam was talking it seemed it was a problem with the mom. Sam said that if she was in my shoes, she’d still feel comfortable with the transfer for ours and that with the report she got before all this the embryos seemed good. She said she’ll hopefully give us good news in the next few weeks.

We’re praying, going to the temple, and fasting a lot for strength in our faith, that my body will function properly and accept the embryos and there will be no complications.

I can tell we are getting so close. The veil is so thin some days. I feel surrounded by angels and sometimes when I am home or at the home I nanny in, I can hear baby cooing and giggling from another room and I get a wave of peace and comfort and a feeling of “It’s ok mommy, you are not forgotten”.  If you know me, I’m a bit granola. Lol! I love and have a passion for essential oils, the Emotion Code, spirit to spirit communication, foot zoning, chakra chants, muscle testing and all that wonderful stuff! I was into it before it got popular and I believe it’s one of Heavenly Fathers gifts he has blessed us with if we are open to it and study it out and use it in a proper humble way.

With that being said.

 Last weekend I decided I had waited long enough and wanted to find out for myself what is going on with this embryo adoption journey were on. I started muscle testing the donor couple, Samantha (the lady over this whole thing) and the other couple also receiving some embryos. I was lucky they all gave me permission to test and ask them questions. I had come to the conclusion that there was some confusion, loss, and Samantha was going to let me know the next week what is going on.

Not to my surprise, she did call me in the middle of the week telling me that the donor couple started the process with the other couple first and that they had 2 negatives with both of their transfers. It is really sad! Both couples are sad and the donor couple want to wait to donate to us until they figure out if the problem is with the mother who had the transfer done, or if it was the embryos. So they want to do a little more testing on both ends. To be sure. The way Sam was talking it seemed it was a problem with the mom. Sam said that if she was in my shoes, she’d still feel comfortable with the transfer for ours and that with the report she got before all this the embryos seemed good. She said she’ll hopefully give us good news in the next few weeks.

We’re praying, going to the temple, and fasting a lot for strength in our faith, that my body will function properly and accept the embryos and there will be no complications.

I can tell we are getting so close. The veil is so thin some days. I feel surrounded by angels and sometimes when I am home or at the home I nanny in, I can hear baby cooing and giggling from another room and I get a wave of peace and comfort and a feeling of “It’s ok mommy, you are not forgotten”.  

Waiting...

I am slowly going crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch. Crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1 SWITCH!!!

Well, if you cant tell, I'm going crazy!  We got word that we have been chosen by an LDS donor family and we are getting half of the embryos and another couple is getting half of the embryos. That is, if the other couple receiving them can make a decision. Were trying so hard to be patient while the other couple is deciding. If they choose against it we will get all the embryos. Yay!!! But until then we are trying to keep busy and figure out a way to speed up time.
We have had many confirmations that this is the path which we are to follow, and I have been very close with the spirit the past few weeks and I have a true knowledge that this is right. I have been fasting and praying for the other couple to try and help them decide. There are special spirits on the other side helping in ways we cannot see, and there is a beautiful calm feeling in our home and all around us and I love that feeling. We are so close!

Here are a few of my favorite quotes by my favorite Apostles that has helped me keep going when I have been in the deepest darkest pits of despair.

Oh my! It's January already?! Oops...

December was a busy month. Full of parties, adoption meetings with various people, getting funds secured, shopping for Christmas, baking, and work. To tell you the truth I'm glad its over. I just couldn't really get into the mood this year. That's kind of a lie.. any time baby Jesus was talked about I'd bawl like a little baby myself because it's a baby and were going to have one or two ourselves this year, and Jesus is so wonderful to me. So I guess I put too much pressure on myself. I tried to make so many memories of the last Christmas with just Dave and I, I just forgot to relax myself. That's a lie. I didn't want to take time to relax because all I would do is get anxious and stressed about whats happening soon. It's a huge change!! And we are choosing this. When this happens, there is no going back. It won't be just Dave and I anymore.

I've wanted this for so long and now it's here I just don't know what to think. I'm excited to have baby(s) and be the cute mommy and have baby stuff around and do all that, and I know we will be good parents, yatta yatta yatta, but it will be different. No more doing what I want when I want, just picking up and go, sitting and watching a show while painting my nails to perfection and getting ready for the day for an hour, taking time making meals, getting amazing unbothered sleep, you get the idea! Is that selfish? I know millions of women have had babies and have survived and its rainbows, butterflies, and kittens... and lots of poop and barf. But it's all seeming real now and I'm excited, but also anxious and nervous. In any case, I know and understand this is a huge blessing and I'm so grateful this path has come. I cannot wait until the baby(s) get here and we can start our eternal family.

I have started thinking about nurseries and clothes and have our name lists up to date and I REALLY cannot wait to buy clothes. I see the cutest clothes on Pinterest and about die of cuteness overload. Also, every time we go to target I “accidentally” walk by REALLY slowly and eyeball down the baby section at all the cute clothes and make mental notes to self of outfits I want. I do the same thing down the baby toy and accessories isle. But for now, I just buy a boring box diapers every other time I get groceries.

The lady who is in charge of the embryos texted me the end of last week and said hopefully January should be our month so PLEASE pray that we can get them this month!!! And most likely in February they will implant them. It will depend on everything. Hooray! She is saying we are tentatively getting 4 embryos. 2 in each straw. We are thinking we will use 2 now and 2 later.

Anyways, this is all I can think about right now, if you couldn't tell. So if you want to go do something sometime to help get my mind off of things, I'd be more than happy.  

So for the holiday festivities we went to the Forgotten Carols and we went to the lights on Temple Square. For Christmas eve we went to Golden Corral with Daves family and then went to his parents for a Christmas party where we played a few games and had a cute production of the nativity by the little cousins and then we watched White Christmas. We slept over and opened presents in the morning then we went to my parents home. We opened more presents and ate (by that time) brunch and we took all our stuff home and took down all our Christmas decorations and then went back to play games, relax and have Christmas dinner. It was a great day and I was glad it was over.

For new years in the evening, we carpooled with a friend from my high school to Jordan commons to have a fun party with some other old friends from high school. We had SO much fun playing games, talking, and eating yummy potluck appetizers. We probably get together 3-4 times a year and have a blast each time.

Update and Etc.

Our paperwork is done, notarized, in the envelope that will be stamped and sent out TOMORROW!! Can you believe it?! This has happened relatively quick. We had a hiccup and an emotional roller coaster for one part, but was fixed and an issue no more. We are still waiting for an attorney we picked out to get back to us. But that is something that we don't have to have before sending the paper work off. YAY! We are still trying to raise money, so buy some cupcakes or cakeballs from Frosted Cupcakery by Hannah or you can just donate here if you would like. 

Speaking of which. We have plans to definitely scale back for Christmas this year a lot. That's one corner we have cut back to save money for our adoption. (So if you’re lucky to get a not super sweet gift this year, you know why).

It is late fall so that means for the next few months Dave will be working all over the place again. We can’t wait for Dave’s job opportunity coming next year. Arizona can’t come fast enough!

Yesterday was C’s birthday. I couldn’t pass up these Sumo Bopping tube thingies, and it’s a good thing I didn’t because he made me laugh ALL day yesterday playing with these.

 I also made him birthday cupcakes! He insisted the strawberry vanilla cupcakes to have green frosting. I think they turned out pretty sweet. And so did the birthday boy who devoured 5 of them before lunch time. 

I love these boys sooo much. They have my heart and have convinced me that it would be okay to have boys. Haha. like its a choice, right?! Sorry about the overload of pics.

Our "monday" faces. haha...

 We were laughing because he called the olives cat poop. Yes, I did agree with him.

The aftermath of W attempting to feed himself.

As you can see we have way too much fun and it's totally normal if mom comes home and C tells her to go back to work because "Hannah's here!"

I Stand All Amazed...

These past couple weeks have been so emotional for me, I have found purpose, peace and answers to our long frustrating journey to growing our family. (Yes, I am totally crying as I'm writing this, so sorry if thoughts are scattered).

It started about a month ago when I challenged myself to go to the temple once a week again. So the first week I went secretly heart broken and weary and frustrated with a group of friends from high school. I was giving up on our adoption journey and starting to be ok just having Dave and myself as a little family forever. Throughout the session and after in the celestial room in the temple I kept hearing my dad's voice in my head saying "Just wait, Sis. It will be okay. Trust me." I have never had that strong of an experience before. I knew it was the holy ghost, but It's never been that strong! After stopping for ice cream and later getting home I got on Facebook and I stumbled upon a comment on a private LDS adoption group I follow of a lady talking about her embryo adoption agency/business and a link to her website. I clicked on it and as it pulled up I got the 2nd most strongest feeling that this is what we need to do! I had never heard of this! I was super confused and wanting to know more. So I got on good ol' Youtube and found the ladies story (below) and I was shocked and amazed. When Dave got home I told him everything and he was excited and all for it. We contacted the lady and she gave us more information and later sent us paperwork. She said it will most likely be around a 6 months waiting game after we get paperwork in. She also said to look at other places and get on other waiting lists. We did. so now there are 3 options. Just what ever happens first is what we will go with. (most likely it will be hers)

1) If we get the green light from her, she will ship the embryos to our clinic and my specialist will start the process.

2) We're on her doctors list as well. He is in Portland, but it costs 1/3 less because his way doesn't need an attorney, its just in office and the embryos are already donated. We have friends 15 minutes away in Vancover so we would probably just drive up and stay with them.

3) My specialist is rolling out with an EA program and we're like 26th in line. Probably not going to happen.



I bet you are wondering what the crap I'm talking about, huh?!

So! When a couple has an IVF (where they take the sperm and egg to form embryos) sometimes they have extra left over. You can either freeze them, donate them to science, have them be destroyed or a newer thing have them be adopted! Once they are adopted they finish the process of implanting some of them into the womans body and hopefully takes and grows into a baby(s)!



One thought I had after we were educated and before we submitted for paperwork was that I need to be able to carry a baby. How can I carry a baby if I can't even get pregnant?  I went to get a zone from the lovely Teresa. I was unloading everything to her and we muscle tested and felt really good about 3 embryos being transfered when the time comes.



 It was confirmed in the temple and in the sweetest blessing Dave gave me the other night. One thing that was said was "it dosnt matter if you deliver a healthy baby by embryo adoption or if you choose to adopt from a birth mother, You will recieve the same spirit." How sweet is that? It is amazing to me that his plan is bigger than mine. I never would of thought this could happen. I get to carry my adoptive children. I don't have to miss out on any of our childrens experiences. Especially their entrance into this world.  I know he has guided us to the best alternative we didnt even know was out their! He knows our needs and wishes and he hears our prayers and is on our side, If we just go to him in prayer and faith and patience he will bless us! The past few days he has been unfolding his plan for us and his plan is SO much bigger than ours, If we live righteously and follow his commandments, he will show us the way to be happy and guide our lives to bless us. I know this first hand and this is my testimony.

Yeah... I'm bad.

So the other day I was thinking, "I guess I should blog again. Didn't I just write a post?" Yeah.. like a month and a half ago. Good job Hannah. Haha! I'm sure we all do this. AmIright?! Time just keeps going whether we like it or not, I guess.

So anyways! What's new you ask?

Well! I started to nanny for a lady in my parents ward. Oh. My. Gosh! Her kids are seriously the CUTEST! I have fallen in love. I watch the 2 youngest boys. "C" the 3 year old and "W" the 1 year old, and they have my heart. We have had some serious fun! In fact he tells his mom and dad to go back to work when they get home so we can keep playing. We love playing with play dough, and monster trucks, playing on the iPad, going in the back yard to jump on the tramp, decorating cookies, and reading stories.
Last week Dave and I took them on a outing to the Aquarium in Draper. What an adventure that day was! It was great! C was so good. He held my had and would ask to run to the corner and back when we were walking. We saw some sharks, starfish, ducks, penguins and other fish and things then after asking C if he was hungry we went to the Cafe to get lunch. HAHAHA!!! What a lunch. We ordered him food and sat town when all of a sudden W looked very concentrated and turned red then just let loose with explosive diarrhea. everywhere. How embarrassing! it was all over the floor, all over me and him, and it was in my shoes. EW! EW! EW! I cringed every step to the bathroom holding him out so I don't get more poop on me and when we got to the bathroom I stripped him and gave him a wipe down, twice- including myself. Of course it was the day I forgot to see if there was an extra pair of clothes so I had to buy him a new shirt at the gift store. The whole time C was enjoying his lunch with Dave. I am so grateful he was there with me.
On the way home we just laughed. For the first time in my life, I am very grateful for my training as a CNA. Anyways! Here's some pictures before the lunch encounter. Lol

                                               
This pose still cracks me up!

Cupcakes are still going well. I did a cousins wedding reception a few weeks ago. She was beautiful, he was handsome, and the cupcakes were gorgeous!

A few weeks ago I went to the new Ogden temple open house with the primary kids and it was so sweet to see their faces on the tour of the inside. It is so immaculate, I am so excited for my mom who will be one of   the temple workers.

One of my other cousins was sealed last week. It was a beautiful ceremony and awful weather outside.         Before the storm, I took this beauty. I just love this picture.

Oh! and at my other cousins wedding in Idaho, one of my other cousins came up to me and showed me this gem. I thought it was HILARIOUS! thought I'd share. Look at my hair and those glasses! Haha 

We also went to see Wicked in July. It was amazing. My third time and Daves first. He loved it! And now     hates the Wizard of Oz.

We have decided to try embryo adoption. It is like 80% cheaper than "normal" adoption. If you aren't familiar with embryo adoption it's basically where We adopt a baby in embryo form and I can carry the baby.
When a couple has extra embryos when doing IVF, they can either donate them to science, have them destroyed, or frozen for later. I had no idea about the adoption or we would have done it sooner. Were on 2 waiting lists so we will see what comes of it. We are very excited.

Dave is still working as a PI. He is so sick of it. He is looking for another job, but can't find one that pays as much as he's making now. He has a really good shot with Cigna as a SIU Investigator in Arizona at a new branch they're in the process of making plans for building in the spring of 2015. Which is awesome! We've been looking to get out of the safe "Utah bubble" for a while.

It's Here.

I finally did it. I started my own business! After the thought every once in a while for the past 5 years and again more recently trying to come up with ways to pay for our adoption, I decided that I have almost nothing to loose. I found an amazing business advisor, she is helping me get everything in order and it's coming along great and faster that I thought it would! You can take a look at my website and order at http://frostedcupcakerybyhannah.blogspot.com. I am also on facebook.
This past weekend I went to a cousins bridal shower and decorated cupcakes. They were so cute and I got 2 events out of it. I am so excited!! I cannot wait to see what this new chapter in our life brings.