Not very many people know this, but we adopted 5 embryos a couple months ago. This journey has been in the making for over 2 years. We've looked at different agencies, went to a couple different doctors, a lawyer, got a home study and a few other things.
Our doctor helped me get my body ready for our transfer on 18th of last month. My body had never worked so well with any medicine before, he said I would gain some weight (like 15 to 20 lbs) and I maybe gained 5 pounds over the couple months working up to the transfer. All the measurements my body had to pass before moving forward were flawless. When the embryos were thawed only one didn't survive which is almost unheard of and the next day when we got to the clinic for the transfer another stopped growing so we threw another one out. The transfer was perfect! We even got to say hi to our 3 embryos and watch their zonas hatch with a laser by the embryologist. After the quick painless procedure we went home for our 2 week wait.
https://youtu.be/SWCIzeMHX7I
(Don't mind my commentary... I'm on Valium, and the video is too cool not to share.)
I felt sick and I was SO grateful to be stuck in the bathroom most of the time, that means something's working. Yay!!! Finally, I know what it feels like to be pregnant. What a miracle we were embracing, I have been waiting 6 and a half years to know what that feels like.
Then the 2 week wait ended when the nurse called with my blood work. I had preparing for a negative a little bit, just because that's all I've ever known. But when she said it, it was a lot worse then it normally feels like. We were (still are) crushed and devastated. All our hard work, prayers and fasts, 2 years of our life preparing, raised money, our hopes and dreams feels like it was torn away and flushed down the toilet. I didn't even know how to choke up the words to tell Dave over the phone because he was away working.
That night I layed in bed feeling so numb and sorry for myself and thinking about my life and how bad it seems with basically feeling like we've just had 3 miscarriages and failed adoptions all in one. And again, when I needed him most I can't even have my husband there with me. I feel like every time he is gone a big bad thing happens, or I find out more terrible news about our infertility.
I started praying to Heavenly Father to give me peace and give me thoughts of comfort and love and understanding. Then immediately the thoughts came to my mind. The Plan of Salvation. These embryos needed me and my body. We were supposed to pick these ones so I can give them a little amount of life that they needed so they can finish there little journeys to go back to our father in heaven. They knew I would be okay and comforted with the knowledge I have. Everything didn't go down the drain, it went up to heaven.
Every day since Monday I have felt a little better and I can't help but be so happy and grateful to know that our savior came down to earth for us to live and perform miracles and pay the ultimate sacrifice so we can live again and be with our families again. I cant wait until that day I get to finally hold those embryos again and kiss them and tell them how much I love them and raise them in heaven. What a sweet reunion that will be! How can I be sad about that?! How can you be mad at God for that?! Thats one of the happiest things I've ever known. So until then, I need to live life to it's fullest and be the best person I know to be.
When all is said and done, we loved this form of adoption and we would probably do it again. But, we haven't decided what to do next. We would love to adopt again since we can't get pregnant on our own, but it is a huge journey and takes lots of money, time and is very emotionally draining. All I know is we can't give up.
