Stop waiting

Today I woke up and decided it's time to start living my life and quit waiting for this whole adoption thing to happen. If it happens, great! Were ready. If not, I need to figure out how to move on and make me a good life. I've waited 6 years and the past couple I've kept myself from going out and doing things just in case we get a call or something of the sort. It is NOT a way to live. I am miserable. I feel stuck. I am unhappy!

This month I am turning 25 and I am having a quarter life crisis. To me 25 is SO old and it's not what I expected. I feel like I'm 18 still but I have more "experience". 

To me when I was 18 I thought at the age of 25 I would be married, a mommy and I'd live in a house and blah blah blah. Well, one of the three things I had longed and dreamed of happening has happened. Don't get me wrong, that one thing is beautiful, absolutely wonderful and I love every minute of it. I was just making my life out to have all 3. 

So I decided to change. for me my first step is to ask forgiveness. If I have done you wrong, I am deeply very sorry, please forgive me. I have let go of all bad experiences in my past and I am starting new. I have been working hard all day and will continue to keep working on it. It feels SO good break free! I already feel better. 

And that's as far as I've gotten. I'll make more of a plan very soon. But some of the plan is to not have a plan. I can't wait to see myself transform into a better more loving, happier me and finally live my life!

Crazy Idea

So I have this crazy idea. I'm not sure if its out of desperation or inspiration. But! I heard of it a few weeks and I can't shake it. It has worked 3 times for someone I know.

This weekend we had a few family pictures done. With that we will send out a written letter to OB/GYN's saying we are looking to do a private adoption and if you have an abandoned baby to call us and we will come pick them up and do a private adoption.

Is that a crazy idea or what?!

The lady telling me about it has adopted 3 babies that way. The first call being 3 weeks after the delivered letter. I'm NOT saying that will happen to us. I'm just saying thats what she experienced.

One good thing about a private adoption is it's a cheaper route, cutting out an agency. But you still have attorney fees and court fees and other fees.

We're going to give it a shot so buckle your seat belts for this ride!

Our Adoption Journey

It's so crazy to think we have been active on our adoption journey for a year since last February. We have been through some of the best and sweetest times and some of the absolute worst times. We have for sure grown closer together as a couple, with our Heavenly Father and close family. We have for sure come to realize who is our support system in our 5 1/2 year trial. And now from what I know, I wouldn't change it for the world!!! We have met some of the kindest people on this pathway that have changed our lives for good- and they will also be in our lives forever.

I truly am grateful for this trial. The veil is so close some times. I love it and i'm glad I have learned to be comfortable with it being that way. I am for sure a different person than when we started. Had it of been all up to me and no help from above we would be on a different road for sure!!! But where we're at now is by far better than Dave or I could have thought. More on that later... :)

As for now, I will leave you with a song that has helped me along this way and has given me strength when I have needed it the most. This is my favorite version. Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMWoVP7nU_E

Sweet Assurance

If you know me, I’m a bit granola. Lol! I love and have a passion for essential oils, the Emotion Code, spirit to spirit communication, foot zoning, chakra chants, muscle testing and all that wonderful stuff! I was into it before it got popular and I believe it’s one of Heavenly Fathers gifts he has blessed us with if we are open to it and study it out and use it in a proper humble way.

With that being said.

 Last weekend I decided I had waited long enough and wanted to find out for myself what is going on with this embryo adoption journey were on. I started muscle testing the donor couple, Samantha (the lady over this whole thing) and the other couple also receiving some embryos. I was lucky they all gave me permission to test and ask them questions. I had come to the conclusion that there was some confusion, loss, and Samantha was going to let me know the next week what is going on.

Not to my surprise, she did call me in the middle of the week telling me that the donor couple started the process with the other couple first and that they had 2 negatives with both of their transfers. It is really sad! Both couples are sad and the donor couple want to wait to donate to us until they figure out if the problem is with the mother who had the transfer done, or if it was the embryos. So they want to do a little more testing on both ends. To be sure. The way Sam was talking it seemed it was a problem with the mom. Sam said that if she was in my shoes, she’d still feel comfortable with the transfer for ours and that with the report she got before all this the embryos seemed good. She said she’ll hopefully give us good news in the next few weeks.

We’re praying, going to the temple, and fasting a lot for strength in our faith, that my body will function properly and accept the embryos and there will be no complications.

I can tell we are getting so close. The veil is so thin some days. I feel surrounded by angels and sometimes when I am home or at the home I nanny in, I can hear baby cooing and giggling from another room and I get a wave of peace and comfort and a feeling of “It’s ok mommy, you are not forgotten”.  If you know me, I’m a bit granola. Lol! I love and have a passion for essential oils, the Emotion Code, spirit to spirit communication, foot zoning, chakra chants, muscle testing and all that wonderful stuff! I was into it before it got popular and I believe it’s one of Heavenly Fathers gifts he has blessed us with if we are open to it and study it out and use it in a proper humble way.

With that being said.

 Last weekend I decided I had waited long enough and wanted to find out for myself what is going on with this embryo adoption journey were on. I started muscle testing the donor couple, Samantha (the lady over this whole thing) and the other couple also receiving some embryos. I was lucky they all gave me permission to test and ask them questions. I had come to the conclusion that there was some confusion, loss, and Samantha was going to let me know the next week what is going on.

Not to my surprise, she did call me in the middle of the week telling me that the donor couple started the process with the other couple first and that they had 2 negatives with both of their transfers. It is really sad! Both couples are sad and the donor couple want to wait to donate to us until they figure out if the problem is with the mother who had the transfer done, or if it was the embryos. So they want to do a little more testing on both ends. To be sure. The way Sam was talking it seemed it was a problem with the mom. Sam said that if she was in my shoes, she’d still feel comfortable with the transfer for ours and that with the report she got before all this the embryos seemed good. She said she’ll hopefully give us good news in the next few weeks.

We’re praying, going to the temple, and fasting a lot for strength in our faith, that my body will function properly and accept the embryos and there will be no complications.

I can tell we are getting so close. The veil is so thin some days. I feel surrounded by angels and sometimes when I am home or at the home I nanny in, I can hear baby cooing and giggling from another room and I get a wave of peace and comfort and a feeling of “It’s ok mommy, you are not forgotten”.  

Waiting...

I am slowly going crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch. Crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1 SWITCH!!!

Well, if you cant tell, I'm going crazy!  We got word that we have been chosen by an LDS donor family and we are getting half of the embryos and another couple is getting half of the embryos. That is, if the other couple receiving them can make a decision. Were trying so hard to be patient while the other couple is deciding. If they choose against it we will get all the embryos. Yay!!! But until then we are trying to keep busy and figure out a way to speed up time.
We have had many confirmations that this is the path which we are to follow, and I have been very close with the spirit the past few weeks and I have a true knowledge that this is right. I have been fasting and praying for the other couple to try and help them decide. There are special spirits on the other side helping in ways we cannot see, and there is a beautiful calm feeling in our home and all around us and I love that feeling. We are so close!

Here are a few of my favorite quotes by my favorite Apostles that has helped me keep going when I have been in the deepest darkest pits of despair.

Oh my! It's January already?! Oops...

December was a busy month. Full of parties, adoption meetings with various people, getting funds secured, shopping for Christmas, baking, and work. To tell you the truth I'm glad its over. I just couldn't really get into the mood this year. That's kind of a lie.. any time baby Jesus was talked about I'd bawl like a little baby myself because it's a baby and were going to have one or two ourselves this year, and Jesus is so wonderful to me. So I guess I put too much pressure on myself. I tried to make so many memories of the last Christmas with just Dave and I, I just forgot to relax myself. That's a lie. I didn't want to take time to relax because all I would do is get anxious and stressed about whats happening soon. It's a huge change!! And we are choosing this. When this happens, there is no going back. It won't be just Dave and I anymore.

I've wanted this for so long and now it's here I just don't know what to think. I'm excited to have baby(s) and be the cute mommy and have baby stuff around and do all that, and I know we will be good parents, yatta yatta yatta, but it will be different. No more doing what I want when I want, just picking up and go, sitting and watching a show while painting my nails to perfection and getting ready for the day for an hour, taking time making meals, getting amazing unbothered sleep, you get the idea! Is that selfish? I know millions of women have had babies and have survived and its rainbows, butterflies, and kittens... and lots of poop and barf. But it's all seeming real now and I'm excited, but also anxious and nervous. In any case, I know and understand this is a huge blessing and I'm so grateful this path has come. I cannot wait until the baby(s) get here and we can start our eternal family.

I have started thinking about nurseries and clothes and have our name lists up to date and I REALLY cannot wait to buy clothes. I see the cutest clothes on Pinterest and about die of cuteness overload. Also, every time we go to target I “accidentally” walk by REALLY slowly and eyeball down the baby section at all the cute clothes and make mental notes to self of outfits I want. I do the same thing down the baby toy and accessories isle. But for now, I just buy a boring box diapers every other time I get groceries.

The lady who is in charge of the embryos texted me the end of last week and said hopefully January should be our month so PLEASE pray that we can get them this month!!! And most likely in February they will implant them. It will depend on everything. Hooray! She is saying we are tentatively getting 4 embryos. 2 in each straw. We are thinking we will use 2 now and 2 later.

Anyways, this is all I can think about right now, if you couldn't tell. So if you want to go do something sometime to help get my mind off of things, I'd be more than happy.  

So for the holiday festivities we went to the Forgotten Carols and we went to the lights on Temple Square. For Christmas eve we went to Golden Corral with Daves family and then went to his parents for a Christmas party where we played a few games and had a cute production of the nativity by the little cousins and then we watched White Christmas. We slept over and opened presents in the morning then we went to my parents home. We opened more presents and ate (by that time) brunch and we took all our stuff home and took down all our Christmas decorations and then went back to play games, relax and have Christmas dinner. It was a great day and I was glad it was over.

For new years in the evening, we carpooled with a friend from my high school to Jordan commons to have a fun party with some other old friends from high school. We had SO much fun playing games, talking, and eating yummy potluck appetizers. We probably get together 3-4 times a year and have a blast each time.

Update and Etc.

Our paperwork is done, notarized, in the envelope that will be stamped and sent out TOMORROW!! Can you believe it?! This has happened relatively quick. We had a hiccup and an emotional roller coaster for one part, but was fixed and an issue no more. We are still waiting for an attorney we picked out to get back to us. But that is something that we don't have to have before sending the paper work off. YAY! We are still trying to raise money, so buy some cupcakes or cakeballs from Frosted Cupcakery by Hannah or you can just donate here if you would like. 

Speaking of which. We have plans to definitely scale back for Christmas this year a lot. That's one corner we have cut back to save money for our adoption. (So if you’re lucky to get a not super sweet gift this year, you know why).

It is late fall so that means for the next few months Dave will be working all over the place again. We can’t wait for Dave’s job opportunity coming next year. Arizona can’t come fast enough!

Yesterday was C’s birthday. I couldn’t pass up these Sumo Bopping tube thingies, and it’s a good thing I didn’t because he made me laugh ALL day yesterday playing with these.

 I also made him birthday cupcakes! He insisted the strawberry vanilla cupcakes to have green frosting. I think they turned out pretty sweet. And so did the birthday boy who devoured 5 of them before lunch time. 

I love these boys sooo much. They have my heart and have convinced me that it would be okay to have boys. Haha. like its a choice, right?! Sorry about the overload of pics.

Our "monday" faces. haha...

 We were laughing because he called the olives cat poop. Yes, I did agree with him.

The aftermath of W attempting to feed himself.

As you can see we have way too much fun and it's totally normal if mom comes home and C tells her to go back to work because "Hannah's here!"